Is self-care is just selfishness rebranded?

Your friends don’t love you in spite of your need to step away for self-care. They love because you step away for self-care.

This is something I started telling myself when I realized I couldn’t be everything for everybody. For years I felt a self-imposed pressure to be the nicest guy I could, and to be there for all my friends whenever they asked. As time went on, I realized how exhausted this made me. 

It wasn’t a fun decision to make, but I chose to carve out more solitude in my life so I could replenish social energy. It involved learning to say no to friends, family, and clients when I felt like I was reaching the end of my rope. 

What I realized was that my friends didn’t love me in spite of this. They loved me because I stepped away. When I stepped away, I gained energy and focus I could spend on them. I leveled out my head, and became someone they could depend on consistently. Maybe not for every given request, but over the long-haul, they could count on me. 

Often, self-care is just selfishness rebranded. But if your self-care is ultimately in service of people you love, then it’s a meaningful component of that service.